With it being Father’s Day today, a lot of us take time to reflect on our Dads and families. Today brings a mixture of feelings and I wanted to take some time to talk about that on my blog today.

Firstly, lately I have had quite a lot of people ask me about Borderline Personality Disorder and how it effects me. That’s a really hard question to answer as there is so many parts to it and many different ways it effects me. Rejection is a huge trigger for me and that’s been a battle of mine over the last week or so thanks to family members (not immediate family such as parents and siblings). It’s difficult when family don’t bother to support you during your mental health difficulties and don’t bother to learn about your condition. Therefore their actions can be pretty catastrophic to someone with BPD or similar mental health conditions. These family members would go running to my Mother about things I put on Facebook and my Mother hates Facebook as it is. It would cause so much trouble.  I have made a lot of effort with a certain family member but they seem to think they are better than me so I can’t cope with the issues around that and they’ve proceeded to block me on every social media platform, they’ve even blocked my dog!!!!!! Pathetic. This family member is very good at looking down her nose at me. I won’t be speaking to them again. I tried to make the effort with them and it was thrown back in my face. Ignites rage in me.

I have to continuously defend myself as it’s rare anyone will validate how I feel and defend me.

Let me try and explain a bit further, people with BPD may seem as mature as any other adult in social or professional situations. But when it comes to coping with strong emotions, they can be stuck at a child’s developmental level.
Their sadness may be similar to the way a child feels at being left out by the other kids. I am not belittling myself or others, this is exactly how it is.

I think one of the most profound symptoms of BPD is an extreme sensitivity to rejection. This creates awful feelings for me with BPD, including a sense of abandonment, loss of self esteem, and feelings that I am simply not good enough to love; and that I am somehow fundamentally flawed and incapable of having a relationship of any capacity. Because on top of that, the person who rejects me usually blames me too which makes it twice as worse. I will only take blame if I am actually at fault and I have no shame in admitting fault.

The same with the sperm donor not bothering with me. That’s been a huge rejection issue for me to deal with, with my BPD but I just get belittled for that too and my feelings invalidated. See the song below written and sang by Leon Adair. To all sperm donors out there who are assholes, this ones for you.

Father’s Day by Leon Adair

But now let me end this with a tribute to the MAN who did stick by me and my Mother, the one I call my real Father. Neither flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone, but miraculously my own.  Never forget for a single minute that you did not grow under my heart but in it. Happy Father’s Day to the real men that stepped up when the boys stepped down. No matter how my head is falling apart with rejection issues, my heart appreciates the real love and value of my Father who adopted me and counted me as his own.  Yesterday was my adopted birthday, always a special day to me.

I’m no further forward with my head being ok.  I need some support so going back to the Docs this week. For what good it will do!!!

Peace out. SL the fruit loop xx